Bridging the divide
Lesson 7
Understanding, changing someone's mind, agreeing to disagree ... are these useful goals?
Key takeaways:
Common goals toward bridging a divide: the other person listens, hears and understands what you are saying, acknowledges your viewpoint and its merits, reflects on their own viewpoint, and changes their mind; the other person changes their behavior in some way; the other person gives you something - or allows you to keep something - that you want; you and the other person agree to disagree and to peacefully coexist.
These are valid goals to pursue, and it is generally possible to achieve at least some of them - although this may be challenging or sometimes unlikely.
You cannot accomplish any of these goals without the other person's cooperation!
Being fixated on accomplishing a goal that is not within your control creates unnecessary stress for yourself and for the other person.
It is generally not advisable to attempt to force the other person to cooperate, but you can help them and make it more likely that they will cooperate of their own accord.
Practice suggestion:
When you consider having a challenging conversation, ask yourself: What do I really want? What is my goal? Then walk around with that goal firmly in mind and body. Notice: Are you contracting in some way and doing stress?
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