Live Online Class
Dealing with
"difficult" people
with Elisabeth Fisher
Mondays at 12:00 PM Eastern Time
Duration
45 minutes
Level
Beginner - Advanced
Lessons
scroll down for replays
Do you have a "difficult" person in your life? Who doesn't ...
Actually, it's not the person who is "difficult" - it's their behavior. Bear with me. People do things that you may find challenging. For example:
I could go on, but you get the picture.
This class is for you if:
Through simple and effective somatic exercises, combined with principles of negotiation and conflict resolution, you will:
Your teacher
Elisabeth Fisher
Hello! Do you like conflict? I don't ... As a former corporate attorney and mediator, I have been dealing with disagreements and "difficult" people professionally for more than 30 years. Now I help my clients reduce conflict at work and at home by teaching them how to stay calm and focused under stress, defuse tense situations, speak up with confidence, and disagree better.
I lead Embodied Peacemaking workshops based on the mindbody education system developed by Paul Linden. I am a certified embodiment coach and Yoga teacher (Yin, Vinyasa, Embodied Toolkit), martial artist (Black Belt in Kenpo Karate), Embodied Meditation teacher, practicing Buddhist, and ballroom dancer.
Let's create a more peacefully empowered world together.
Frequently asked ...
Do I have to be on camera? No. While I would love to see your face, you are welcome to leave your camera off.
Are there replays? Yes! Scroll down for the library of class recordings.
Can I participate without being recorded? Yes, of course. Privacy and confidentiality are important to me. Class sessions are recorded on "speaker view", which means that you will only appear on the recording if you speak. If you want to say something off video, simply wave and I'll pause the recording.
Do I have to actively participate? No. You don't have to do anything I suggest. While the practical exercises will only help if you actually do them, you are welcome to just watch and listen.
Library of Class Sessions
Replays of previous classes are available for free. You can access them by creating a free account (this is to guard against unauthorized copying of the content and to keep the spam bots at bay). Creating an account will NOT trigger a series of sales emails (you're here for the class, and that's what you'll get). You will be subscribed to my monthly-ish newsletter, but you can unsubscribe at any time.
Introduction: Managing your stress reaction
1 - Is calling someone "difficult" helpful?
The power of labels. Centering.
2 - Are anger and fear useful?
Stress reactions: fight-flight-freeze-collapse. Centering.
3 - Stress and First Aid Centering
Identify your unique reaction to stress, and how to calm down quickly.
4 - Power Sitting
Establishing a stable, balanced foundation for taking action.
Setting boundaries
5 - How do you say No?
What are your patterns around saying No?
6 - Micro No
Explore saying No in more subtle ways.
7 - Be the stronger influence in the room
Use your state (being centered) as a source of influence.
8 - "Mine" and "Not Mine"
Are you taking on too much responsibility?
9 - When you are the "difficult" person
How to respond when someone feels "triggered" by you.
Pacing
10 - You're so slow
Moving at a different pace. Reframing.
11 - Moving "with" (blending and joining)
A movement exploration with special guest Paul Linden.
12 - Dealing with impatient people (Part 1)
Verbal strategies to slow down a faster person.
13 - Dealing with impatient people (Part 2)
Nonverbal strategies to slow down a faster person.
You are not a helpless victim - negotiate for what you want
14 - Once upon a time
The story of the villain and the helpless victim.
15 - You are an actor
How do you contribute to the situation?
16 - You are not helpless
How to create affirmations that may actually work.
17 - Questions that spark curiosity
How to ask questions to generate options.
18 - Negotiation 101
How to get what you want.
19 - Developing your BATNA
What if you don't get what you want?
20 - What do you really want?
Positions vs underlying interests.
21 - What does the "difficult" person really want?
Are they really a villain? What is the purpose of their "difficult" behavior?
Internal boundaries: maintaining your own well-being in the presence of a "difficult" person
22 - Letting go of unnecessary tension
Body scan meditation & Centering.
23 - Noticing without absorbing
Setting up internal boundaries that are open and expansive.
24 - The tone makes the music
We react not only to WHAT someone is saying, but also to HOW it is said.
25 - The other side of internal boundaries
What do you want to send out, and what would you rather keep in?
Dealing with dread
26 - Are you apprehensive about the future?
Establishing a foundation for acceptance.
Dealing with requests and demands
27 - How are you with requests for help?
Exploring different "flavors" of requests or demands for help.
28 - How are you with HOW someone requests help?
Notice your habitual reactions to different "flavors" of being asked for help.
29 - How are you with WHAT someone requests of you?
Notice how you respond to requests for your time.
30 - How are you with WHAT someone requests of you? (continued)
How are you with requests for your effort or labor?
31 - What motivates your response to a request?
Cost-benefit analyses and threat assessments.
32 - What are you trying to protect?
Choosing appropriate strategies to address the specific "threat" at hand.
Understanding human operating systems
33 - Understanding human operating systems: Earth & Water
How do you - and the "difficult" person - prefer to be in the world?
34 - Understanding human operating systems: Fire
How do you - and the "difficult" person - prefer to be in the world?
35 - Understanding human operating systems: Air
How do you - and the "difficult" person - prefer to be in the world?
36 - Brainstorming with the body
Generating new ideas by embodying the "elements" of Earth, Water, Fire & Air.
Influencing others and inspiring change
37 - Is this worth trying?
Testing ideas for influencing another person.
38 - Using your voice
Speaking in a way that the other person can hear.
39 - Making a situation more comfortable
How could you address "being uncomfortable"? Be specific. If possible, identify options that work for everyone.
40 - Calibrating the volume of your voice
How softly or loudly do you speak? What volume of speech do you prefer in others?
41 - Making assumptions about other people
Being aware: Do I know this, or am I assuming? Is my assumption accurate? How can I test this? Does it matter?
42 - Finding your balance
How do you (take a) stand?
43 - Moving from your power base
The effect of your "stance" on what you do next.
44 - Standing tall
Confidence based on awareness of your vertical axis.
45 - How do you sit?
How does your seated posture affect your response to an annoying person?
46 - Generating power through movement
Simple movements as a reminder of your power.
47 - Generating power through breathing
Directional breathing as a source of power.
Making difficult decisions
48: Establishing power before making a decision
Creating a stable, balanced basis for clear thinking.
49: Cost-benefit analysis
What are the pros & cons of speaking up? What are the potential "good" or "bad" consequences?
50: Seeing more options
In addition to the best-case and worst-case scenario, what other possibilities are there?
51: Moving forward
Embodied decision-making: What do I do next, and how?
52: Being "decisive"
What do you consider "decisive" or "indecisive"?
53: Befriending uncertainty
What do you need to be comfortable with making decisions?
54: Decision-making in relationships
What rules or "boundaries" make you comfortable - or uncomfortable?
55: Decision-making processes
How could you make decisions as / with / for a group?
56: Sticking with your decisions
How do you respond when someone questions your choices?
Let's (not) renegotiate
57: Sorry, no deal
When someone wants to change (or forget about) an agreement.
58: Can we change something?
What specifically do you (not) want?
59: What makes you say Yes to a request?
Be aware of your patterns around accommodating others' wishes.
60: How do you say No?
How does your mindbody state impact how you communicate verbally?
Being resourced
61: Do you have the capacity to take something on?
Notice what (emotion) you do in your body when you are faced with a responsibility or request.
62: What resource(s) do you need?
Overwhelm = when the resources you need exceed the resources you have.
63: How do you manage your capacity?
Communicating that you cannot take something on.
64: Protecting your capacity
How could you say No to a "small" request?
65: Saying No vs. Doing No
With special guest Paul Linden
66: Doing No by Doing Yes
Six Directions Breathing and defining your space.
67: Justifying your No with ease
Using humor for a more light-hearted response.
68: Managing your capacity on a micro-level
Relaxed awareness of yourself and your environment.
How is your environment affecting you?
69: What you look at matters.
How does your visual environment influence you?
70: What is your "set design"?
Creating a visual environment that is helpful for you.
71: What you listen to matters.
How do everyday sounds influence you?
72: What is your "soundtrack"?
Creating an auditory environment that is helpful for you.
73: What you touch matters
How do everyday materials influence you?
74: How you touch matters
How do you make contact and interact with your environment?
Shaping your environment
75: How do you respond to your environment?
How you are matters.
76: Where in your body is your power source?
Attention and the "felt sense" of power.
77: Types of power
Boundaries and coercive power.
78: The power of intention
How does your desire to avoid harm affect what you do?
79: When power is lacking
How do you do "discouraged"?
Building a support network
80: What would you like from your team?
Being specific about what you want.
81: What are you and others contributing?
What do you bring? What do you hope someone else will bring?
82: Who should (not) be in your community?
You don't want to be there, or you don't want someone else to be there. Now what?
83: Creating safety for community members
De-escalating situations to maintain community.
84: Pausing the conversation ...
... to continue the relationship.
85: Taking a break from a conversation
Experimenting with the basics.
86: What words should I use?
It depends, and it's complicated.
87: Proceed with confident humility
With special guests Ayya Niyyanika Bhikkhuni and Paul Linden.
88: Boundaries as a gift
When you set a boundary, what are you taking away, and what are you offering?
89: Acceptance or distress reaction?
How do you "accept" what you don't like.
90: Being in community without losing yourself
How much togetherness and sameness is necessary for a relationship or community to thrive?
Discernment
91: Comparison and judgment
Assessing who and what is acceptable.
92: Belonging
Do you have to change to be accepted?
93: Inclusion and exclusion
When behaviors are not acceptable.
94: Expressing judgment
Flavors of disapproval
95: Stuck on repeat
When you (or they) can't "just let it go".
Taking up space
96: Taking up space in restrictive circumstances
Are you smallifying - on the outside or the inside?
97: Hope
Creating hopefulness in your body.
98: Should I say something?
Taking up space with your voice.
99: Taking a stand - publicly
Displaying symbols of your beliefs - useful or not?
Helping others
100: Offering help
... in a way that is helpful.
101: The timing of help
When do you step in to offer assistance?
102: Who is your help for?
Are you focused on the other person's wellbeing or your own?
103: What is your biggest concern?
Identify what you most want to avoid.
104: What drives your decision on whether and how to help?
Your worries and values affect what you do.
105: Helping with boundaries
Does your assistance have parameters?
106: Have you helped enough?
Give yourself credit for your efforts.
107: I might be able to help
Maybe - boundaries "light"
108: Caring differently
What are you measuring?
109: Taking up space - from the inside out
The foundation for letting needed help in and keeping unwanted help out.
Speaking up
110: On guard
Expanding, and protecting yourself
111: Using your voice
Spaciousness and breathing as a basis for speaking.
112: Before you speak
Relaxation = appropriate effort.
113: Joining the conversation
Building an on-ramp.
114: Leaving the conversation
Creating an off-ramp.
115: Transitioning
Signaling change to the other person - and to yourself.
116: Shifting someone's attention
Reframing "I have to interrupt".
117: Advancing to the rear
Leaving a conversation can be a power move.
118: How you talk to yourself ...
... impacts what you can do, what you choose to do, and how you do it.
119: Intention
Setting aside what you want and don't want.
120: Attention
What you focus on affects what you do and how you do it.
why you are not being charged for this class
Dealing with "difficult" people is ... difficult.
I want to help create a world where people treat their fellow humans with respect
and act with wisdom, courage, compassion, and power.
Lack of funds should not be an obstacle to a happier life.
If this class is helpful for you and you can afford it, please consider contributing to the cost of web and video hosting, coffee, and dessert (I'm Austrian, so dessert is essential for survival).
Any amount is appreciated and will earn you a place on my personal superhero list.
Thank you.
what participants are saying
I come here to look after myself and get some tools for dealing with the world. The better I look after myself, the more I can be of use to others.
Practicing with you has made a real difference in my life. I now see that I have options.
This is the kind of teaching I'm looking for! I get simple practices that make me feel confident that I can move forward with whatever challenge I am presented with.
